I haven’t always been in a “healthy” relationship. I met my first boyfriend when I was 16. At the time I was living west of Philly in the burbs and he was living in Delaware. That made it difficult to see each other. I wasn’t in school so we got an apartment maybe three months after being together.

Everything seemed to be working out at first. We had this thing where we would play fight with each other. We would wrestle around and it usually turned into us having sex. It was hot until it got to the point where it was happening all the time and he kept getting more aggressive. Then it really got out of control. Not too long after we started I realized it wasn’t play fighting anymore. I kept on telling him to stop and he wouldn’t. Then I started screaming that you need to stop hitting me and I wasn’t playing anymore. He just kept on doing it. The scariest part was that he didn’t say anything and had this horrible look on his face.

I tried to forget about it and hoped it wouldn’t happen again. It happened again the next day. I guess I said something he didn’t like.
He wouldn’t stop beating me until he felt like it or until he got tired.
I tried to defend myself but he would always over-power me.

That’s when I started doing drugs. I was like if this is how its going to be every day I need to be on something to deal with it. I would take the filling out of a cigar and fill it with marijuana and PCP. The good thing about it was that I wasn’t feeling him hit me because it made my body numb. Even though I didn’t feel anything my whole body was covered in bruises.

I felt like I couldn’t really do anything or go anywhere. I was only 16 at the time and wasn’t communicating with my family so he was all I really had. He would always take my cell phone so I couldn’t call anyone for help when it was happening. The only thing I really cared about was getting high. Nothing else really mattered, not even my physical well-being.

My friend was buying the drugs for me. Her boyfriend was also abusive. I remember sitting with her and talking about how we wound up in these fucked up situations.

The final straw for me happened the night he brought this dude he was cheating on me with over to our apartment. After he was done fucking him in our bed he thought beating me in front of him would provide some entertainment. I can remember something inside of me snapping and I lost it. I smashed a vase over his head. While he was down I grabbed his throat and told him that was the last time he would ever lay a hand on me.

It was 2AM and freezing cold. I ran all the way to my friend’s house. That was the night we finally convinced each other to leave our boyfriends. We had gotten really close and I told her that this kind of life is something that we don’t need. We realized that we were a
lot better than what we were allowing ourselves to go through.

I was eventually able to stop using after living away from my ex for a while. Physically I didn’t need to be numb anymore. The hardest part was dealing with how the experience left me. I am still dealing with it. It took me a long time to let anyone else in. My current boyfriend and
I used to fight all the time because I didn’t trust him. He jumped at me one time joking around and I almost beat the shit out of him. He asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t even speak. I was afraid to tell him at first thinking he would leave me because I was damaged goods or something. We are still together and he reminds me every day how much he loves me.

I have some advice for people who might be in the situation I was in. The thing is, it doesn’t matter if you are two guys or two girls or a guy and a girl in a relationship. If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to leave. Even if you think there is nothing you can do, there is always a way out. It’s just not worth it.

According to AARDVARC.org, “Domestic violence in the GLBT community is a serious issue and often the problem is underreported. Facing a system which is often oppressive and hostile towards those who identify as anything other than “straight”, those involved in same-gender battering frequently report being afraid of revealing their sexual orientation or the nature of their relationship.

Although much advancement has been made in the provision of services, the enforcement of the law, and the equality of protections available to those in GLBT relationships over the last decade, it is important for you to be aware of your rights and options as they relate to your attempt to escape an abusive relationship. Do not ignore or put up with domestic violence.”

If you or someone you know is a victim of same-sex domestic violence and needs help, please contact
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
800-799-SAFE (7233)
800-787-3224 (TYY)
www.ndvh.org

69-PHMC026_Daniel_f.pdf